


Smiling Faces

by kristsune



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015), Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Gen, Kix is not doing well, M/M, TFA Era, but he can never get the one he so desperately wants, clones were not meant to be alone, especially when left alone for any amount of time, he desperately needs a hug
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-28
Updated: 2018-01-28
Packaged: 2019-03-10 12:02:21
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 414
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13501312
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kristsune/pseuds/kristsune
Summary: Kix reflects on his past.





	Smiling Faces

**Author's Note:**

> Just a little piece I had to write thanks to [this piece.](https://kristsune.tumblr.com/post/170131551669/jasjuliet-501st-shinies) Please enjoy some of my intense Kix feels.

Kix sighed as he sat on the edge of his bunk after his shift in the medbay. It had been a long one; the Rebellion didn’t take breaks. He was exhausted but couldn’t sleep. Not yet. He was pretty sure he had been sleeping less now than he had been during the war. There were fewer medics, and most of them were barely better trained than shinies fresh off Kamino. No real field experience. 

Thinking of Kamino was always a terrible idea, leading his thoughts towards his  _ vode _ . All dead now, he was the only one left. He reached into the hidden pocket he had sewn into every one of his shirts to pull out a much battered, sepia colored flimsi. There were a few small tears and cracks, and the flimsi had yellowed over time. Kix was honestly astonished when he realized it survived the freezing and thawing process.

Kix rubbed his thumb over the smiling faces from a different time. It may not have been a  _ happy _ time, but at least he hadn’t been so  _ alone _ . He was still surrounded by people all the time, but he didn’t have that deeper connection with them, he didn’t know them inside and out, and it wasn’t just because they didn’t all have the same face. 

He missed his  _ vode _ so much it ached. Like his chest was hollowed out and nothing was left  behind. Without Jesse, his  _ ruus’ner _ , he was drifting afloat, no one to anchor him down. Jesse’s steady presence always able to keep him from getting lost in his own head. Hardcase’s contagious exuberance never failed to make Kix smile; even if he had to duck his head to hide it, to keep his serious medic persona intact. 

Kix’s breath stuttered in his chest, the loneliness crushing him, unable to breathe. They’re all gone, and never coming back. He could have saved them, if he had been faster, gotten the information about the chips out, they could have avoided all that pain and death. He could have lived out his days with his brothers, rather than these strangers. 

All of this, the Empire, the Rebellion, might not even have come into existence if he had been able to stop it all. 

But he failed. He failed his  _ vode _ , he failed his friends, he failed his  _ ruus’ner _ .  
  
He laid down on his bunk, curling around the small piece of flimsi, the last piece of his  _ aliit _ , his  _ family _ , wishing he wasn’t so alone. 

**Author's Note:**

> ruus'ner - term of affection - my rock  
> aliit - family  
> vode- brothers/sisters/siblings


End file.
